kimberliah…

I would like to believe that most people who know the Hubs and me, think that I am the “better half” of the relationship. I have to admit, though, that this distinct honor did not just randomly fall into my lap… I have steadily worked my ass off, for years, to ensure that if we are ever both hanging from the edge of a cliff… I’m gonna be the first one saved. In fact, I have put forth such a valiant effort, in some instances, that I might just be the ONLY one saved… I mean, I guess in that kind of situation, I should probably try to save him, after being saved, myself… but I’m just going to assume that I’m all tired and shit from hanging off the edge of a cliff…

So in the spirit of ensuring Hubs possible future rescue… I am going to attempt to redeem him. At first I thought that maybe I should share some of his good qualities… so that people could see the other side of Hubs. But then ADD Brain got tired of trying to think of something and I ended up cleaning the outside of our washer and dryer.

You see, Hubs DOES have his good qualities… I promise that he does. But I think it may be more effective to try to make you feel bad for him.

I am not the perfect Stepford Wife… and Hubs has the ability to enrage me in a way that nothing else in this world can hold a candle to… and when I’m angered, I want to do messed up stuff… to his stuff. There have been countless times that I have stared at his toothbrush, heart still pounding from our latest blow-up… and seriously considered sticking it into the toilet… or down the clogged drain of the bathtub… or up The Beast’s hind end…

Have I ever actually ACTED on these impulses? Heck, No! However, I’ll be the first to admit that it can be SO tempting! SO DAMNED TEMPTING! I have entertained the thought of spitting in his food, going all ninja on his precious truck, throwing all his scattered dirty clothes into the pool and dipping the dog’s wiener into his iced tea. Luckily, for him AND me, I have never acted on these thoughts… they have come and gone… nobody gets hurt or scarred for life.

Until last week…

Last week, I lost control and I am ashamed. So very ashamed.

I can’t even remember, at this point what I was mad about… But, this time my raging thoughts became actions and that right there is a HUGE No-No!

I have had to live with the results of my impulsive behavior, every single day. Hubs will be learning about this breach of trust at the same time as all of you… I just can’t live with myself, anymore…

Last week, I went onto my Facebook…. and I changed my password. The new password is something REALLY mean, about Hubs…. Like, REALLY MEAN… SO mean that I’m not going to post it here. The first couple times when I had to enter it in, to gain access to my Facebook, I giggled an evil, spiteful giggle. There was something somewhat satisfying about typing that horrible statement about my punk-ass Hubs.

…and then day became night, which became day again and the fight was all but forgotten. Hubs transformed from Punk-ass Hubs back into regular Hubs and that was that…. until I went to log into Facebook. Although things had returned to normal, I still had to type in that horrible statement. It didn’t seem so funny anymore… As Hubs was doing Nice-Hubs stuff, like running out to get me lunch or filling the car up with gas, I’m logging into Facebook and having to tell the password box explicitly what a flaming douche-bag he is. It kind of made me sad.

Yes, changing it would be easy…. but, please take a moment to remember who’s blog it is that you’re reading. I am lazier than just about anyone I know. Changing my Facebook password just really seems like a lot of work and I’m always tired…and stuff.

So, ummmm… sorry Hubs.

… and to anyone reading this, please make sure that you ALSO pull my Hubs off the cliff, if we’re ever hanging from one.

…just make sure you rescue me first… just in case he slips, or something…