I feel that I can say, with confidence, that cockroaches are pretty much universally hated. I have yet to hear of a person who finds one of these little assholes, in their home, and opts to capture/release it back into the… wild. Even the most innocent child, who would physically beg you not to kill that cute fuzzy tarantula, will catch a glimpse of Mr Cockroach and immediately bark out demands for you to “Kill that fucking son-of-a-bitch!”
Other than their cringe-worthy appearance, I really can’t place a finger on why these little assholes are hated so passionately. Allow me to go educate myself real quick….
Ok, that was easy… according to the wisdom contained on Wikipedia, they are just dirty little shitheads. We also might be slightly jealous that they are possibly better equipped to survive a nuclear war. But, whatever… We hate them.
Last night, I realized that there might be another… slightly lesser-known reason for hating cockroaches.
Simply put… Cockroaches are overly dramatic
Think about it for a minute… When you find a cockroach, that has died, in your house… isn’t it ALWAYS laying on its back? I, for one, have never come across a deceased cockroach, that is belly down. Never! I mean, really… cockroaches? You can’t just walk along and peacefully die at the point where death is supposed to overcome you? I can just picture these little assholes… walking along, minding their own… when all of a sudden they’re faced with Reaper Cockroach… and it’s tiny little scythe. Asshole cockroach knows better than to try and escape its predetermined fate but, rather than going peacefully Asshole cockroach decides to make a small-scale production out of it. Hoisting its fat self up onto two wobbly back legs… shuffle forward… shuffle back… clutch it’s chest… clutch it’s head. Inaudible to humans, a tiny “Noooooooo” escapes Asshole cockroach’s… face. Reaper Cockroach stares blankly on… bitterly use to these shenanigans… Asshole cockroach finally teeters over backwards and death takes over. DRA… MA!
Really, cockroach? Was all of that necessary? Really?
*and as a side note… this was a HORRIBLE entry to research/write during my lunch. UGH! Bad choice… Very bad choice!