Back to School, Back to Reality…
It’s that time of year again. It is Back to School Time! Mothers all over the country are rejoicing, as their children are returning to the classroom. I have to wonder, though… if the stay at home moms are the only ones feeling this joy, regarding the return of the school year… As a Working Mom, I have to admit, I feel a bit differently.
My children are at the age where I can allow them to stay home, while me and the Hubs are at work… While I do get the weekly phone calls where so and so is telling on their brother over this and that… for the most part, I have to admit, they do good. It’s a fair trade, I believe… They get to sleep in and not be dragged to a baby-sitter, before the sun peeks over the horizon and I get to wake up as late as humanly possible, while still making it to work on time…. AND I come home to a clean house. Yes, that’s right… I come home to clean/folded laundry… washed/dried dishes… and all the rest of that good stuff.
Occasionally I’ll have to lay the smack down for random finger prints that have been left on the toaster… but 9 times out of 10, they do OK. Want to know a few more things that I’m DREADING about my boys going back to school? Of course you do….
Homework is my nemesis. It always has been and always will be. I was naïve, when my first child entered kindergarten… I actually had the audacity to believe that homework time could be… pleasant. WTF. How more freaking wrong could I have been. Pleasant? More like… Hell! Not just normal Hell, either… I’m talking the kind of Hell that Satan himself would hear about and be like “That is a SERIOUSLY fucked up place, yo” … and just so you know, Satan totally says “yo” after ALL of his sentences. He’s kind of a douche-nozzle, like that. So, anyways… Homework is Horrible. I, myself, never went to college to learn how to teach people things… in fact, other than some orientation clss and an online math class… I never went to college, AT ALL! I am not equipped to help these boys with their homework. Ever. They could come home, stating that they need to write a paper detailing my very own life… and I would probably break out into a cold sweat. 75% of the questions that they approach me with end up being cast out into Google. I’ve done my fair share of homework throughout my life… and I really don’t want to help you with yours, now.
OK, now… let’s talk a little about Class Projects. First off, I would just like to say… if I had to choose between either helping with homework or helping with class projects… I would probably attempt to gnaw my own arm off, at the shoulder, while pretending that I had heard a third option. Class projects are within the some evil realm as homework… They’re kind of like family. Where homework is more like a teenager that is in and out and tries your patience but doesn’t stick around very long… Class Projects are more like that annoying family member that always overstays their welcome, by at least 3 weeks and costs you a lot of heartache and quite a few dollars, as well. My biggest problem with the class projects actually points directly back at my darling children. These boys are notorious for informing me of these special projects, when there is only DAYS left to complete them. There was one year when BOTH of the older boys neglected to tell me about the upcoming mandatory Science Fair, until it was about 5 days away…. and then there was The Mission Project .
I believe I had an entire weekend to get that one knocked out… Maybe, this year, I’ll just search out some used projects on the black market…
Making school lunches seems to be the “paper-cut” of the back to school circuit. It’s such a tiny, minute part that it doesn’t really seem like it should aggravate me, as it does… In fact, truth be told, I rarely even have to make the lunches anymore… I’ve actually thrown that little tasker onto the kid’s chore packet and allow for them to do the dirty work. But, it still sucks! Every once in a while, I’ll stumble upon some intelligence that one of my boys has only been taking a cup of cinnamon apple sauce and a small baggy of Slim Jims, to school, for lunch… which forces me to perform random checks on their brown bags… nobody likes having to randomly check an awkwardly packed brown bag, especially when that damned Capri Sun takes up 72% of the available space… and, by chance, do you know how many loaves of bread you have to buy for 3 boys, who are all in school? No, seriously… somebody tell me… because I ALWAYS buy too few and apparently if you bring peanut butter and jelly on a tortilla, you get made fun of.
Lastly is 3 words… and I think both the Stay at Home Moms and the Working Moms can find some common ground, on this one. School. Clothes. Shopping.
So, here’s to hoping that this school year goes by painlessly and quickly… although I now have one child in the elementary school, one in the junior high and one in the high school… and I’m pretty sure that is some kind of ancient recipe for impending doom and disaster… Hopefully it will be over before we know it and maybe before next summer starts I can teach them how to have dinner ready, by the time I get home from work.