A Girl Can Only Take So Much…

There is going to be a bit of a change, coming soon, to kimberliah.com…  For the last year you have followed my latest postings through Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Email subscriptions and the occasional Google search for “woman pulled over has diarrhea” Unfortunately, in the very near future, these avenues of distribution may longer be an option for me.  I know that change sucks… and a lot of people are resistant to it (myself included) but we’re just going to have to pull through this. Within the next few months, I will be revamping kimberliah.com to be delivered via… snail mail.  That’s right, folks…. kimberliah.com right in your very own mail box (or your secret P.O. Box… for you shady types).  Try to conceal your excitement… it’s not good for your sugar levels, fool!

Now, a few subscribers are probably scratching their heads and wondering why is the hell I would choose to do this… This answer is actually quite simple, my friends. Beginning in a few short days, I’m probably not going to have any form of internet access…for a very long time. Possibly the rest of my existence. Simply put, I’m about 99.97 percent sure that prisons don’t allow their inmates to have internet privileges…. and I’m totally headed for inmate-hood.  Now, don’t pretend you’re all shocked and stuff… I mean, I’ve always been kind of a bad-ass, but I’m about to take it to a whole other level. While I may have been able to regularly take more than my fair share plastic utensils, from my work’s cafeteria, without incident… I’m not sure that my newest bad-ass-itry is going to be so easy to overlook.  I mean you can really compare a handful of white plastic spoons to a dead body can you?

Yes, that’s right… I’m totally going to end up killing Hubs.  Please don’t feel bad for the Hubs…. he’s totally brought this impending doom upon himself.  I mean seriously, a girl can only take so much.  I truly believe that there a are few evil habits that certain people just can not bring themselves to let go of. Sadly, Hubs seems to be one of these people… and I am quickly reaching my breaking point. Shit, who am I kidding… I am miles beyond my breaking point and I am going to kill his ass… dead.

Initially I attempted to overlook his little habit but it just kept popping up in unexpected places… taunting me, calling me names, reminding me that my needs and requests would never matter.  Today, head held high… I can truthfully say that I have had enough and Hubs is a goner.  I haven’t given much thought as to how I am going to extract the life from his dumb body.  I’m assuming that with the levels of rage now permanently surging through my body, I could probably kill him off with my bare hands… and that’s just what I might do.

Did I love the Hubs, at one point in time?  Of course… but as I stated earlier, a girl can only take so much…

Empty Band-Aid wrappers…. Empty Band-Aid wrappers EVERYWHERE (except in the trash can)

The first few offending wrappers I found were merely thrown away as I have somewhat grown accustomed to Hubs leaving his junk in places it shouldn’t be, over the last 8 years.  However, as I found myself discarding what seemed to be the 37th empty Band-Aid wrapper, within a span of 3 days… I felt the empty Band-Aid wrapper disposal resentment begin to grow.  I tried to be an adult about it.  I really tried.  I talked to Hubs about my dilemma… I expressed to him how I disliked having to constantly throw his Band-Aid trash away.  He pretended to understand and grunted a sound that I wrongly assumed signaled his agreement to throw away his own damned wrappers… and it continued.

I am now to the point where I feel kind of helpless within this situation… Shit, I’m not even sure he’s actually USING the missing Band-Aids anymore and I feel a “Snapped” moment coming on here, right shortly.  Hopefully they pick someone cool to play me for the TV reenactment… and don’t forget to put money on my books so I can buy some ramen and shit…

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  • http://funnyisfamily.com Amy

    I loved this post!

    My husband has a mountain of Breathe Right strip wrappers on his nightstand. It has become a social experiment of sorts to see what happens first: it toppling over, or me killing him dead.
    Amy recently posted..Crock Pot Thursday: Teriyaki ChickenMy Profile

  • http://youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com/ The Hook

    You’ll make on hot inmate! Send me some shots of you and your bitches, please?

  • http://www.theworld4realz.com/ Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz)

    If you have to pick them up anyway, I say stuff them into his socks so he has to dispose of them himself. My hubz leaves cups all over the house. He’s lucky it’s typically water, cuz I dump that shit on his head. I don’t even like cleaning up my own damn mess. Screw being someone else’s maid!

    PS – you really had me going with that snail-mail thing! I was scratching my head wondering how on earth that was going to be financially feasible for you! ;p
    Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz) recently posted..What’s Up Wenzday 12/12/12My Profile

  • http://darkofficehumour.wordpress.com/ Ankur Mithal

    One indicator of great satire is that the reader should have no clue which part is serious and which is not. After reading your post, I am totally at sea. Congratulations!!
    Ankur Mithal recently posted..More Blogging AwardsMy Profile

    • http://kimberliah.com/ kimberliah

      Thank you… And there has been another empty band-aid wrapper sighting tonight… *rage*

  • http://damepixel.com mistresspixel

    Slam dunk with this one! BTW, I gave you a backhanded shout out in my last post–you are the mysterious blogger from California who helped me grow a pair. You are in California, right?
    mistresspixel recently posted..The Curse Of The CreativeMy Profile