There are currently 3 months, of every year, when our country stands united. During these 92 days our differences are temporarily put aside and a peaceful solidarity is reached. This beloved quarter of the year is appreciated by the masses…
Otherwise known as Pumpkin-Spice-a-Looza!
Seriously… is there ANYTHING we won’t add pumpkin to? It’s edible? Throw some pumpkin in that bitch…. It smells? Pumpkin up that shit too! When I walk through our little Wal-Mart I find myself surrounded by all the usual items…*Now! With Pumpkin-Spice!* Waffles, Pop-Tarts, candles, body wash, bagels, lotion…. and…. I’m tired of listing things. But, how about some things that we don’t see every year?
How about…. Pumpkin-Spice scented toilet paper? It could be kind of like scratch and sniff stickers, where the aroma won’t “activate” until you wipe… and it could have pictures of pumpkins on it! Smiling pumpkins!
…or we could have Pumpkin-Spice flavored Post-It Notes. They could be widely used in the spy community… for when they need to consume their evidence. Tasty! … and yes, they would be orange.
Pumpkin-Spice flavored pumpkin seeds? Too redundant? Already done? I’m not really sure where to go with that one.
Detergent and fabric softener that smells of Pumpkin-Spice? Shit… that probably exists somewhere, too…. Fine! Make that shit TASTE like Pumpkin-Spice… Problem solved. New problems created…
Pumpkin-Spice flavored water? You could use it in your pumpkin bread/cake/cookie recipes! You could give it to your pets! You could…. pour it out in the front yard, when you realize that it’s pretty repulsive all by itself!
Pumpkin-Spice scented anal inserts…. For pumpkin-ier smelling toots! *the inserts would be shaped like a pumpkin… holding a smaller pumpkin above it… and the smaller pumpkin would, of course, be holding an even SMALLER pumpkin about it!* I doubt these pumpkins would be smiling… especially if they’ve caught wind of their future destination…
Pumpkin-Spice flavored/scented nail polish… to initiate a whole new generation of nail biters!
Pumpkin-Spice scented pumpkin puree… Wait…. what?
So, tell me… What Pumpkin-Spice products would YOU like to see on a shelf near you?