kimberliah…

Yeah, so…. my posting frequency sucks, as of late.  Trust me, I am WELL aware of this!  Put down your damned pitchforks and quit trying to boil my rabbit… I don’t even HAVE a rabbit, so just leave that poor rabbit alone!  Let that rabbit gooooo.

I have a good excuse.  I promise.  See, the thing is…. I’m freaking sick.  I’ve been sick now for like 3 decades (it feels like) and when I get the sick…. the creativity goes for a vacation.  The mere thought of having to press my fingertips against all those keys is just a tad bit overwhelming… Have you SEEN the space bar?  That fucker is HUGE!!!  So, yeah… I’m sick.

What’s that?  How do I know I’m sick?  Are you kidding me?  I just TOLD you that I feel like ass and now you want details? Well, shit… since I have nothing better to do (other than alternate between the chills and hot flashes) let me give you an example….  See this jug o’ juice?

I’m tasty!

Tell me quickly… is it expired?  You answered No, right???  Well, it took me a good 3 minutes of concentrated staring at those little stamped numbers to determine is the juice was actually drinkable.  The concept of “2013″ was just completely lost on me. {Ummmmm… what year are we in, again?  *squints at carton*  Best by February 2013?  Well, tomorrow begins Fiscal Year 13….  February already passed… like a year ago, or something…. Summers done.  What month is it…. Thinking hurts, my ears feel clogged… I’m thristy…. What the Hell! Is this fucking juice rancid or not?!?!?!}

I am not an idiot. I swear. I usually could have made the determination that the juice was indeed consumable with 1 quick glance at the mini-jug.  Sickness takes ahold of my smarts, though… it seems.  So, since I can’t offer anything of quality to y’all… I’m going to make a few suggestions. 

Things to do while Kimberliah Recovers from the Plague:

1. Read all of Kimberliah’s entries… backwards, while in a candlelit room and wearing all dark gray.  Rumor is there are messages hidden within the text.

2. Find the one lone soul who actually chose to search for hidden messages by reading all of Kimberliah’s entries backwards, while in a candlelit room and wearing all dark gray. Throw a sandwich baggie full of brown gravy at them. (Please make sure that you get the sandwich baggies that actually “zip” to close and not the retarded “fold-over” baggies… that a certain someone accidentally bought the last time her dumb ass went to the store)

3. Attempt to make a Halloween costume entirely out of Post-It notes and thumb-tacks.  *Hint*  Try using the accordion style Post-It notes…

4. Take a trip over The Pintester Website .  Laugh your ass off while attempting to out-fuck-up the pins that she already managed to fuck-up.  This can keep you busy for DAYS!!! You better come back, at some point though… I know where to find you!!!

5. Go to the nearest Burger King and find out what their breaking point is, when it comes to having it “your way” … “Yeah, can I have a small side salad…. but instead of the usual salad lettuce can you use the lettuce that you put on the Whoppers and can I also get a side of hamburger patty, a hamburger bun, a slice of cheese and whatever that sauce is that you usually put on the Whoppers?” … “It’s gonna be the same price, still… right?”

6. Find the nearest quiet spot and pray for the return of Kimberliah’s health.  I promise I’ll be nicer to it and I won’t take it for granted and stuff… Pinky Promise. So, light a candle for me, and stuff…