So, you Failed at Blogger Idol… Now What?on September 21, 2012 at 10:16 am
The Blogger Idol Final 133 were announced yesterday. Wait…. what? Let’s try THIRTEEN… shit, if there HAD been 133 then I might have had a fighting chance.
In case you haven’t already discovered, heard or guessed… I was not selected.
…and you know what? If you push those initial feelings of disappointment, loss, sadness, despair and loser-hood aside… there’s kind of a little mini lopsided off-color rainbow to be seen. (or so I’m trying to convince myself)
Last night, after the children were tucked away in bed, I sat at my computer desk contemplating what to do next. My first instinct was to throw myself off the roof of our home. However, the simple fact that I live in a one story house thwarted that little scheme, as I would probably just land awkwardly on one of my legs, breaking my ankle. (Note to self: Buy 3 story house before Blogger Idol 2013.
I contemplated running away from my shame and starting a new life in some tiny no-name town in the Midwest. I would go with only the clothes on my back and maybe a box of Cheese Nips. I would change my name to Hailrebmik, but they could call me Kim for short… But, after remembering a conversation that I had with Hubs a few nights ago, where he declared that I made the best sandwiches ever, I knew that I couldn’t just up and leave him… He may never find that level of sandwich again and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I had done that to him…
I could make a solemn vow to never write again… but, then what would I do the next time I caught The Beast drinking shit water out of the kid’s toilet… How would I tell you all that Dickie no longer obsesses over Shuffling and instead chooses to spend his hours telling me every last detail about Lizard Lick Towing… Where would I post drunk pictures of the Hubs and tell funny stories about how he almost pee’d in our entertainment center? I can’t let this be the end of kimberliah!!!
So, I’m going to turn a negative into a positive…. 13 positives!
13 Reasons I am ECSTATIC I Didn’t Win Blogger Idol
1. I can do whatever the hell I want for the next 10 weeks. No stressing out about assignments or deadlines… or crazed stalker fans at the gas station.
2. I can remain under the radar for another year. Bright flashing lights can trigger migraines, so I’m trying to put off this whole “famous” thing for a while.
3. I can continue to give the comma the bird. I stick a damn comma wherever the hell I want and not have to worry about any scores being affected. ,
4. I don’t have to worry about anyone dragging any skeletons out of the closets… or having to write a quick witty tell all about myself, a la Eminem in 8 mile.
5. Did I mention that I can do what the HELL I want for the next 10 weeks!!! ADD Brain is SUPER excited about that one…
6. My 2012 audition was done in 20 minutes… I now have 11 MONTHS to prepare my 2013 audition.
7. I don’t have to worry about cleaning up my fucking language.
8. I can start trying to reconnect with my children… and figure out which one is which.
9. My friends might want to start being seen with me, again… since I won’t feel the need to disguise myself in public anymore.
10. I can start signing my receipts again, since I know they’re not going to be worth anything on Ebay any time soon.
11. If I don’t feeling like writing… I won’t have to!
12. I can quit begging you guys to do stuff, that only 7% will follow through on…
13. More time to do giveaways of objects that look like vibrators!!!