Bathroom Reading Material and a Contest…
on July 26, 2012 at 2:42 pmIt’s always nice when your place of employment takes an active interest in your social well-being. A few weeks back, I went into my usual stall in my usual bathroom… I performed the obligatory covering of the potty seat with the government’s finest ass-gasket and reached into my back pocket, to extract my iPhone. There was only one problem with my routine. The back pocket that I spoke of, contained no trace of an iPhone. I was stuck in a bathroom stall… with no iPhone to browse. Panic began to overtake me as I lowered my booty onto the previously mentioned ass-gasket. What would I do? How could I possibly bide my time, during the 13 seconds it would take me to pee?
I stared sadly down at my feet, I was simply too overwhelmed to allow my bladder the freedom to function. I lifted my face, upwards… as is customary when I feel the tears of despair beginning to form and was greeted by this…
Well, by golly… if it ain’t the Porcelain Press! I was saved!
What’s that? Oh… you’re reading this, on your phone, in the stall of your bathroom and you can’t really see what the sign says? Here… Let me help you out a little…
That better?
So, hmmmmm…. They’re informing us about personal hygiene. Seems legit. We all need to remember to wash our hands after we piddle and stuff… but, wait… Bathing, clipping my nails and brushing my teeth? Do I really need to be reminded of that? I do that ish on the daily, yo. But, maybe it’s intended for other people… other people who need a gentle reminder to wash their asses and go to the dentist…. and step by step instructions? WTF, work-force? Really? WASH YOUR ASSES AND GO TO THE DENTIST!!!
My favorite part of this little informational piece is at the top, where is states that regular grooming can prevent illness and improve your social standing…
WTF, little informational piece??? Where the hell where you 22 years ago when I was an awkward lonely kid… An awkward lonely CLEAN kid… but maybe not clean enough… Maybe if I had upped my showers to 3-4 times a day, I would have been allowed to sit at the popular kid’s table during lunch. Maybe if I had taken flossing a bit more seriously then I would have had someone to give my extra friendship bracelet to… other than my cocker spaniel, Barney… Shut up, assholes… he rocked that shit!
Awkward was my middle name for the first 18 years of my life… and who’d of thunk that it could have been resolved by some additional bars of soap.
Speaking of my awkward decades… I’m in a contest!
*confetti*
Now, what you need to do is head on over to Childhood Relived’s latest blog entry, entitled “Dynomite! School Photo Edition” take a gander at the 4 contestants… Laugh heartily at all of us and then vote… Hopefully for me. 
Easy as pie…and you know you like pie. We ALL know you like pie…
Just make sure you brush and floss and stuff afterwords!
I didn’t know that never washing the dead skin cells off of my body would make me sick…
…AND you might realize that you are actually only 5’3!
I totally voted for you. That picture is fabulously craptastic! By the way, I thought of you all afternoon yesterday. I was at Wal-Mart in the pet food aisle buying my Ol’ Roy and a giant (okay, like 12 oz) can of Special Kitty canned food fell out of the cart due to the horrible error of my youngest, who has not learned the lesson of not putting things in the purse/kid portion of the cart where the gaping hole is… and the can fell right on my big toe. I went down in the Wal-Mart pet aisle as though I’d had a heart attack. It bled and everything. Who knew horrible, searing pain could result from a can of cat food falling edge first on your toe? I could barely walk yesterday and was afraid I might lose the toenail, but I must have gotten lucky because it’s so much better today that I almost don’t notice it. Except when I need sympathy, of course ;0) My big toe was thinking of your big toe.
OMGosh!!! The toes!!! They’re all going down, one by one!!!
bathing regularly becomes such a luxury when you have a bagillion kids…but don’t worry my kids smell great! Thanks for the follow, following back
Well, this is awkward because I hate pie. I will still try to go over and vote for you. Hopefully it’ll be easy as bacon.
You like pie! You probably just don’t know it yet
I think it’s obvious by the photo you submitted that you practiced good hygiene. Anyone who could make their bangs do that little wave thing must’ve spent some quality time on personal grooming.
Your photo rocks the nation, Kim!
I guess there’s always room for good-er hygiene
Ass-gasket. Cracking up!!! Thanks for posting on my blog, I just subscribed to yours! And I’m going over to vote for you now.
By the way, any pics of Barney rocking the friendship bracelet? THAT would rock.
Teri
Unfortunately, Barney was a bit camera-shy…