Edit THIS, Mo-Fo…on July 18, 2012 at 8:33 pm
I have a serious dislike for proofreading my own crap and it’s always been that way. My co-worker ATC (Abnormally Tall Co-Worker) was the first to point out that I should really make an effort to pause, backtrack and edit before I hit “enter” This declaration, I suspect, came from one too many received emails that were missing entire words, missing half-phrases, contained duplicate words, contained more commas then sentences…. and so on. If I were a betting woman, I would wager that my occasional blank emails provided him with more information than one of my caffeine-fueled manifestos.
I’ve tried explaining to him, the workings of my brain. It’s not a normal brain… it’s part ADD Brain. ADD Brain is a curious thing. ADD Brain grows weary of anything deemed “familiar” Long story short… if I wrote it, it’s “familiar” I would rather proof-read my 7 year old’s homework than go back to edit something that I created. Once it’s spit out of my head and scrawled across paper or the keyboard, I’m done with it… I don’t want that second date! I just want to slink back home, throw on some comfy pajama pants and eat ice cream straight out of the tub with a spatula.
I’ll admit, I force myself to go back and attempt to proof-read my blogs, before I submit them… I’ll also admit that I do more scanning than actual reading. I mean, come on… I’ve been there before, I wrote the damned thing… I know how it ends. Predictability is ADD Brain’s Arch Nemesis and re-reading something that I JUST wrote is about as predictable as it gets… “blah, blah, blah… oh, look I used the word “to” twice in a row… oops… blah, blah, woooords….. familiaaaaar woooooords…. I wrote these stupid damned WOOOOOOORDS…..” Yeah, good times, right there.
Unfortunately, this issue does not just affect my blog. While working, it’s easy to get into “the groove” and rush through the final details…. like the emails, detailing my findings…
Not much to see here… Just a mundane email giving yest more dollars to Ms. Gimmeallyomoney. But, something about this email caught my eye, after I had printed it and was placing it in it’s folder. A trillion dollars? Could that really be right? A freaking trillion? Oh… son of a…. So I turned to my trusty calculator and punched in my numbers…. Crap, it says I’m wrong…. I couldn’t be wrong! Let me try again…. *punch punch punch* ummmm… still wrong. 3rd times a charm?
Well, shit…. I guess I was wrong.
Oh! Crap!!! I already sent the email, obligating that damned trillion dollars! NOOOOOOO! Must hurry and send retractiong! SHITBALLS! “Retraction” does NOT have a “G” at the end of it!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HURRY!
Ummm… I’m pretty damned sure that I just sent that stupid email to myself… *incoming email alert, from myself-to myself, wafts across the screen* CRAP! Must. Fix. This. I quickly composed one more email, directed it to the correct recipient and punched the enter button with a fist of fury! An exhausted battle cry echoed across my cubicle walls….
I wearily scanned the final email… it seemed to be sufficient and moments later I received the anticipated “LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL” return email from Ms. Gimme… and all was right in the world again.
So if you’re ever leisurely strolling through my blog and you see a few typos, try not to be too judgmental and just remember… ADD Brain did it.