There are a LOT of places that I don’t like to go. Being that I’m “slightly” anti-social and being that my anxiety issues leave me subtly paralyzed in new situations and being that ADD Brain and OCD Brain think it’s fun to run my life…. I tend to prefer the comfort of home. However there is one place that I absolutely HATE going. Seriously hate… and not mildly.
Not even the next step up from “mildly”
What is the one place that causes my soul so much damned distress? 2 simple words.
I honestly think that the phrase “Car Dealership” means FuckMyLife in some other language. To me, Car Dealerships equal nothing except All Bad.
So, this weekend when Hubs decided it was time to trade my car in, I tried to stall him. I tried faking interest in some of the upcoming 2013 models… I tried running away in the middle of the night (thanks Google Latitude, for busting out my safe house)… I tried crying and protesting and temper tantrums. Nothing worked. He had his mind made up and he was going to have me in a nicer car, before Monday morning.
While most women would probably express appreciation… this woman was considering putting castor oil in his burrito.
Friday morning came much too quickly. I tried to stall, but Hubs somehow managed to pull my hands away from the keyboard, before the super glue was able to set. After peeling the “D” key off my middle finger and returning it to its proper home… I hurriedly got ready, positioned a sulky look on the entirety of my face and began to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming afternoon.
Have I mentioned that I am not a people person? I prefer the peace and quiet of my own little personal bubble… just me and whichever voices in my head happen to be awake, at that time. My previous experiences at car dealerships have made me jaded. If I say I’m browsing… I want to browse. Alone. That means I want you to stay as far away, from me, as humanly possible Mr/Ms Car Salesperson. Shit, you should probably just go clock out and drive to whichever relative is the furthest away because I need SPACE. I don’t need you to unlock the doors so I can look inside… peeping through the windows works just fine. I don’t want to tell you what I’m looking for… I’ll know it when I see it. Having you, cooling off in my shadow, is not going to assist me in my search. It’s going to make me irritable… and when I get irritable, I become a Bitch.
Do not make eye contact… Keep Driving! KEEP DRIVING!!!
and when I’ve entered Bitch-Mode, I can guarantee that not one single car will be purchased.
Hubs swore to me that this time was going to be different. He had been told of a Car Salesman that was “different from the rest. Low pressure, laid back… and honest?
Yeah. Freaking. Right.
I’m pretty sure that when someone interviews to be a car salesman and interviewer asks for their worst qualities… those are the 3 that would be named. I was a lot more than skeptical, but what could I do…. except to prepare for the verbal assault of “I told you so’s” that I could deliver on the way home.
…and then we pulled into the Kia dealership and met Joseph. I could tell immediately that something was different… he was young and had a New York accent that we never really get to hear out in the middle of the desert. But, those weren’t the differences that I was picking up on. Somehow this kid seemed to be completely missing that “pushy sales person” aura, that I despise so much. Where most car salesmen are practically sprinting and flinging themselves onto your windshield, as you enter the lot… Joseph merely strolled. I think we actually had to also walk towards him, which is a huge difference from the game of hide and seek we usually choose to play in the dealership parking lots. I don’t think I’ve ever willingly walked towards a car dealer before. When he was showing me “The Car” it wasn’t all hoity-toity blah blah blah statistics and numbers and shit I don’t care about…. This kid actually guess-timated how many bodies we could fit in our trunk… and it was at that exact moment when I knew that this day was not going to suck.
To make a long story short… I, now, have a new car… and I LOVE it.
Do I think I would have been patient enough to complete the million hour process involved in purchasing a new car, if we didn’t have Joseph, to deal with?
Maybe….
Would the voices have been as accommodating?
That’s a big negative.
So here’s the deal. If you live around Victorville, California and need a new car, stop by the Valley-Hi Kia Dealership and ask for Joseph Mohammad… tell him Kim sent you and when you’re finalizing your purchase, harass him about the “free” dancing hamsters…
Trust me… You won’t be disappointed.
***Disclaimer: I get HALF of any dancing hamsters, procured during your purchase and Hubs in footy pajamas, not included***
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Kim, I have a serious/funny question. Does your OCD brain make you center your text in your blog posts because your brain likes the shape and/or flow of the paragraphs better that way? I am just curious because of all the blogs I read (and that’s a freakin’ lot), there are only two that use this format.
Now, on to your post… I am so glad you found that car salesman! And what an awsome car! You never said what it is, even though if it’s a Kia, I wouldn’t be allowed to buy one anyway because my husband is a union worker and we are supposed to buy American. (We’ve fought over this issue.) I am so glad you tooted the horn (pun intended) for that car salesman publicly also. It’s the least we can do to immortalize those who serve us well and give them a pat on the back for stepping up. Bravo to you for that.
I am the opposite at a car lot. Looking through the windows isn’t enough… I want to sit in it, smell it, caress the interior! I want to wheel and deal. I want to hear the best deal and oh yeah, NOW show me what’s out on the back lot too. And don’t forget to show me what just came in on trade-in and is still in the service bay and hasn’t even been cleaned out yet. Love car shopping! Just rarely get to do it.
LOL. I’m not sure why I have to center my posts… It just doesn’t feel “right” if they’re not. I’ve been told before that it makes them difficult to read… But, I’m really not sure if I could bring myself to change the format.
I won’t even test drive the car… I make Hubs do it. We had the car home for a good 5-6 hours before I actually drove it for the first time.
The service department is my personal pit of hell. You hand over your keys and then wait, sipping weak coffee and reading yellowed magazines, for someone to call you over and tell you what the verdict is. You went in for a 40$ oil change and went out with – well, who knows – but your bank account is 400$ lighter.
I don’t mind car shopping. I bought our latest car. I did the research, met with the salesperson, crawled around the showroom model, dealt our trade and signed all the documents. What did I get in return? A thank you card from the dealership. It started “Dear Mr. B…” Not even a “Mr. and Mrs.”… I kept the card for times when I need to be reminded of what white, hot, rage feels like.
Love this post!
You should take that card to the dealership and papercut the hell out of their eyeballs!!!
I wonder if Joseph might be interested in doing some kind of exchange program with one of the San Antonio salespeople. I hate car shopping, too.
No, damnit! Joseph is OURS!!! Get your own Joseph!
Kimberliah,
Joseph brought your blog to my attention today; and I am so pleased to see such a satisfied customer of ours. Its not often customers publicly say what a great experience they had, it’s usually when they have a horrible one. I am happy to say that here at Valley Hi Kia we have several outstanding salesmen and woman like,Joseph Mohammed, to help people with their purchase of a new vehicle. Not all vehicle purchases are good ones, sometimes they are full of many emotions and not all positive ones as you know from past experience. Here we do try our best to give our customers the best experiences. I am the General Sales Manager here at the store and I mean this sincerely, I am proud to say I’ve been with this company for 16 years and only wish it the best. It is so refreshing seeing a customer say how great their experience was and knowing it was one of the people I work with that made that possible. If you ever need any assistance at all please don’t hesitate to contact me directly. Plus,please know I’ll be sharing this with the other managers here at the store on a job well done by “Your Joseph” Thank you again.
Thank you again for sharing your positive experience here at our dealership!
Congratulations on your new car!
Shawn Nazari
General Sales Manager
Valley Hi Kia
Not a problem at all, Shawn. Make sure you hang on to that guy… he’s a keeper! To be honest, the only thing he “messed up” was the anti-car dealership post that I had planned on writing.