The Reason, Part 1…on February 19, 2012 at 10:24 am
Children can be fickle little creatures.
Since my boys took their first breath… They have been provided all
Food, warmth, love
These kids do not “want” for anything… except a Facebook account
and they are SO not getting Facebook accounts
Hey, kids…. You want a Facebook account?
YOU CAN’T HANDLE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!!!
and maybe that’s part of the reason…
Hmmmm? What’s that?
The reason for what?
Geez, nosey aren’t we?
Well lucky for you… my lack of a hangover, this morning, has placed me in a giving mood
So I shall share…
Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNN
Lost interest didn’t you? Well, you know what? Sit down and read, damn it!
You brought me all the way to this “Add New Post” screen… so, now you’re going to take it all in and enjoy it
Yes, you can go to the bathroom, real quick…
ho de ho de ho de hoooooo…. he de he de he de heeeee….. la da la da la da laaaaaa….. wa wa waaaaaaaaaaa
Oh, you’re back…. so nice of you to rejoin us…
Take your seat, back in the circle…. Indian-style please
criss cross apple sauce.
What the Funk was I talking about again?
Oh, that’s right… The Reason
Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
The absence of a standard Facebook account may very well be part of the reason….
that the children
and they do….
They play it off extremely well about 95% of the day
But, that other 5%…. they’re slippin
So how do I know the children hate me?
Let me expose the ways…
-Yesterday, I asked Anthony to refill my cup with water… He obliged and returned with what looked like a glass of watered down milk… Having lived in this town for the last 20 years, I immediately knew what it was… it was… what we refer to, in hushed terms, as “Barstow Water” Why!?! Why would my child knowingly bring me Barstow Water, to consume…. While, the Brita filter, full of happy CLEAR water, was sitting right next to the sink… the same sink where he retrieved my offending glass of Barstow Water. Oh, wait…. my out-of-town readers may not be familiar with the monstrosity that is Barstow water. Let me school you…. Barstow is about a stones throw from Hinkley….. HINKLEY! Does Hinkley ring a bell? Kind of? Not really sure where you’ve heard that name before? You know you have, but you just can’t place it… Hinkley= Erin Brokovich!
I don’t care if Barstow’s water wasn’t affected… and I don’t care if the problem was supposedly “taken care of”
I’m not drinking that shit…
-Dickie’s new obsession is a single line from one of LMFAO’s songs. One single solitary line…. over and over and over and over and over
Every day I’m shufflin
and over and over and over…
It was cute, the first 18,000 times… Walking to the car at 6AM, to go to work “Every day I’m shufflin” … on the way to the babysitter’s house “Every day I’m shufflin”… on the way home from the babysitter’s house “Every day I’m shufflin”… while making dinner “Every day I’m shufflin”…. while helping with his homework, in the middle of a math problem “Every day I’m shufflin”, while helping with his homework, in the middle of spelling a spelling word, “Every day I’m shufflin”, while trying to blog, “Every day I’m shufflin”… While checking my emails, “Every day I’m shufflin”, while going to the bathroom, from the crack at the bottom of the bathroom door, “Every day I’m shufflin”… while making school lunches, “Every day I’m shufflin”…. while trying to watch Jersey Shore, “Every day I’m shufflin”… while showering, “Every day I’m shufflin”…. while hiding in the closet, in the fetal position, rocking, “Every day I’m shufflin”
It really doesn’t end. That line is completely imprinted onto my soul. While out with Hubs the other night, I went to use a public restroom… as I squatted over the toilet, the following wafted through my brain…
“Everyday I’m hoverin”
***and, no lie, while I was just proof-reading this entry, Dickie just belted out “Every day I’m shufflin” while playing Monopoly with his brothers…***
It. Never. Ends.